I find this search for the external representation of self so interesting! The search for a twin is very different to being a twin.
That early cleavage from the mother does not result in aloneness, but in a shared existence with one's twin. But at the same time, I was always aware of the differences between my twin and I - differences that magnified as we grew by defining ourselves, at least partly, in opposition to one another (what David Graeber might have called schismogenesis). Perhaps this is because we are fraternal rather than identical twins.
We both disappeared in adolescence into separate online communities that allowed us to have distinct selves, untouched by the presence of the other. It was only after years in the wilderness that we came together again as un-entangled selves.
Perhaps this is inevitable. Those born alone seek the double and those born double try to escape it.
Thanks for the thoughtful work, Kate - and for including those beautiful Beardsley illustrations!
Immediately made me think of one of my favorite graphic novels, Asterios Polyp by David Mazzuchelli
It’s about an architect and his lifelong obsession with his mirror-self, I think you might find it interesting
Great essay, made me think about the mirror-self as audience in any medium, and how art in general is a way of building our relationships with ourselves
One of my favorite Townes Van Zandt songs, Highway Kind, includes this lyric:
Where would you be?
You’re the only one I want
And I’ve never heard your name
Let’s hope we meet someday
If we don’t, it’s all the same
I’ll meet the ones between us
And be thinkin about you
And all the places I have seen
And why you were not there.
Amazing essay. As someone who had an imaginary friend in youth, and someone who paced around the woods all their teen years imagining great conversations with imaginary others, I think when one comes to a point in life when they’ve lost any mirror-selves (there is no longer one in my mind, and I don’t write enough to have the final one discussed), it’s quite sad. I miss these mirror-selves like I miss friends, since that’s really all they were, friends in lieu of friends.
I enjoyed this very much, and I feel very confident in asserting that if L wrote 19th century epistolary fiction based on the work of George Sand in high school that he is certainly a man today, if he wasn't yet at the time.
This is an exceptional essay, Kate. Reminded me of thoughts I forgot I had as a child.
Also, I've been thinking pretty deeply about the looking-glass-self lately, the concept of "I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." The mirror self seems a totally different concept, but I wonder if there's a throughline or integration that can be gathered
I loved this essay so much and I’m also obsessed with the “mirror self” concept. (I should add I’m a fraternal twin myself)
I made a whole musical project years ago about the dangers of looking for a mirror self so I might as well link that; this was written about a high school relationship very similar to the one you had with L.
I often imagine myself as already gone, whatever fragments of writing I produce now will be all that remain, becoming the breadcrumbs by which the future detective will piece together something like an image of me, if I have lived in such a way to pique their curiosity. I am hesitant to be photographed. You have found a mirror-self reader in me. Excellent job on this, keep pursuing your lines of flight.
Fascinating thoughts...and the section on the epistolary self in particular speaks to me as someone who has kept a journal for 50+ years and who is currently muddying through the writing of a sort of autobiography.
If you want more epistolary, philosophy, prose, novel and etc. Meet the one and only Fernando Pessoa; Im reading his high anticipated book of all time "The book of disquiet" 🫡
I find this search for the external representation of self so interesting! The search for a twin is very different to being a twin.
That early cleavage from the mother does not result in aloneness, but in a shared existence with one's twin. But at the same time, I was always aware of the differences between my twin and I - differences that magnified as we grew by defining ourselves, at least partly, in opposition to one another (what David Graeber might have called schismogenesis). Perhaps this is because we are fraternal rather than identical twins.
We both disappeared in adolescence into separate online communities that allowed us to have distinct selves, untouched by the presence of the other. It was only after years in the wilderness that we came together again as un-entangled selves.
Perhaps this is inevitable. Those born alone seek the double and those born double try to escape it.
Thanks for the thoughtful work, Kate - and for including those beautiful Beardsley illustrations!
Immediately made me think of one of my favorite graphic novels, Asterios Polyp by David Mazzuchelli
It’s about an architect and his lifelong obsession with his mirror-self, I think you might find it interesting
Great essay, made me think about the mirror-self as audience in any medium, and how art in general is a way of building our relationships with ourselves
One of my favorite Townes Van Zandt songs, Highway Kind, includes this lyric:
Where would you be?
You’re the only one I want
And I’ve never heard your name
Let’s hope we meet someday
If we don’t, it’s all the same
I’ll meet the ones between us
And be thinkin about you
And all the places I have seen
And why you were not there.
Amazing essay. As someone who had an imaginary friend in youth, and someone who paced around the woods all their teen years imagining great conversations with imaginary others, I think when one comes to a point in life when they’ve lost any mirror-selves (there is no longer one in my mind, and I don’t write enough to have the final one discussed), it’s quite sad. I miss these mirror-selves like I miss friends, since that’s really all they were, friends in lieu of friends.
I enjoyed this very much, and I feel very confident in asserting that if L wrote 19th century epistolary fiction based on the work of George Sand in high school that he is certainly a man today, if he wasn't yet at the time.
I want to believe!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is an exceptional essay, Kate. Reminded me of thoughts I forgot I had as a child.
Also, I've been thinking pretty deeply about the looking-glass-self lately, the concept of "I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." The mirror self seems a totally different concept, but I wonder if there's a throughline or integration that can be gathered
I loved this essay so much and I’m also obsessed with the “mirror self” concept. (I should add I’m a fraternal twin myself)
I made a whole musical project years ago about the dangers of looking for a mirror self so I might as well link that; this was written about a high school relationship very similar to the one you had with L.
https://theanswersinbetween.bandcamp.com/track/doppelg-ngers
I often imagine myself as already gone, whatever fragments of writing I produce now will be all that remain, becoming the breadcrumbs by which the future detective will piece together something like an image of me, if I have lived in such a way to pique their curiosity. I am hesitant to be photographed. You have found a mirror-self reader in me. Excellent job on this, keep pursuing your lines of flight.
Fascinating thoughts...and the section on the epistolary self in particular speaks to me as someone who has kept a journal for 50+ years and who is currently muddying through the writing of a sort of autobiography.
excellent
If you want more epistolary, philosophy, prose, novel and etc. Meet the one and only Fernando Pessoa; Im reading his high anticipated book of all time "The book of disquiet" 🫡
A fascinating read ❤️
this is a tremendous essay. thank you.
Terrific, wow.
Evidence? Citations?